your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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