If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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