Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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