I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
