This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
