That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
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