This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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