i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
