so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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