I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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