Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
