Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
