bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize