I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
