Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
