i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
