Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
