my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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