So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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