so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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