The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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