I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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