Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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