youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
