I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
