does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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