I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
that may or may not have been my penis.
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