the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
