Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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