She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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