let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
