I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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