How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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