Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Of course I have a pirate flag
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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