I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
