Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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