Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
