8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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