you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
