oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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