Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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