I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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