There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
