Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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