I heard we made out
Yo dont text me then not text me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
