And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
