the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
