Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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