I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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