Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't deserve a penis
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
