I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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