Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
