Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
