went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
