apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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