The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
