It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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