he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
