White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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