It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
