First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
