We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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