I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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