I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
