I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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