i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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